In the series ‘Home; Garden and Grave’ I ask 6-10 different people a set of questions about their personal demons through the reflection of both their past and current fears and insecurity. Through the answers they gave me, we collaboratively translate their responses into pictures. The questions asked and explored include:
Who are your demons?
Tell me about your nightmares
What are things you do to feel safe?
What are things you do to feel powerful?
When/where don't you feel safe?
What makes you feel the loneliest?
What is your ideal form?
Can you tell me who taught you what fear meant?
Are you ashamed?
What are you ashamed of?
Can you be ashamed and proud at the same time? All the time? Isn't it exhausting?
What about yourself scares you? What makes you nervous?
Who are you when you are alone?
What are the different masks you put on?
How are you different than your reflection?
What is a story that is important to you? What does it teach you?
What is your favorite item? Most meaningful object you have?
Where is home for you?
The entire body of work of Home; Garden & Grave speak to suffocation and rejection by society and culture; the desire for another identity; to attempt to perfect forms of ourselves that aren’t ideal; these images convey abandonment, the desire for home and the aftermath of sitting with your reflection.
My dreams are usually vivid and most of them have to do with feeling out of breath, the best ones are the worst ones, like dreams of being back with my ex and everything is perfect and being able to feel every part of it and waking up still with the warmth but emptier. Nightmares about being lost in someplace, being always cold and wet and never being able to feel the sun, something I desire so close to my reach but never being able to obtain it.
My mother taught me what fear meant. Fear is the devil and hell, and fear is also Allah (later i found out that wasn’t true) fear is feeling unwanted.
I want to scream forever until I lose my voice, I really wish I was born mute sometimes.
My reflection is as bad as I am. There is no escaping me.
I would normally have said home is with myself, but I don’t know anymore.
These are the masks I put on to fool myself.